Here’s my biography (you wouldn’t understand):
I’m Conlan. When I was a kid, my friends called me “Conlan,” because they were not creative. Plus, that is my name. I grew up in Fresno, CA. I also went to college there, at a place called Fresno Pacific University. I studied English, because it’s the language I know best. My hobbies include drinking water, riding the bus, and writing paragraph-long autobiographies. If I could be any animal, I’d be a turtle. That way, whenever someone said, “Hi, Conlan,” I could say, “I’m a kangaroo.” This, I think, would make me seem very wise and majestic. Like a lion.