Honestly, I was a little afraid that the evil Nigerian scam artists were going to hunt me down and try to hurt me for wasting their precious time. And I may be right. What does Google Analytics have to say about visitors to www.ThisisConlan.com?

Damn my selfish pride (and impeccable comedic instincts)! Now I’m scared.

On the other hand…

Hey, Fraudsters. Cut it out, assholes! Who do you think you’re scamming? It’s not Wall Street fat cats or cocaine-addled celebrities. It’s stupid little old ladies living off a social security pittance, or the borderline mentally-ill. I realize you don’t care about fellow human beings; you’ve probably witnessed some pretty effed up stuff, probably don’t know who your father is, et cetera. I get it. But I just want to say, from one human being to another, and with the utmost sincerity, FUCK OFF.

The same goes for you in Latvia.