The responses to my request for Viewer Mail were overwhelming. Thanks to everyone who wrote, and I will try to answer all of your questions in time, either on the blog or through personal correspondence.
But for now, Amanda from Yorba Vista, California writes:
Are you trying to tell me that you don’t get paid to write blogs? Is that what you are telling me?
A man. Duh.
Hey, man. Thanks for your letter (How did you get my mailing address?), and Go Nighthawks (Mascot)! I am pleased that you think I am telling–or trying to tell–you something. However, there is a fundamental problem with your premise. First of all, do I own a pen and paper? Yes, I do. Have you seen them? Not that I know of. You see, in your mind (the Universe) you have constructed an ideal portrait of (This is) Conlan that can never be achieved in reality. This portrait is probably a composite of your abusive father (whose love you could not earn, no matter how hard you tried), that one guy on the TV, and Nelson “Rolihlahla” Mandela (not the African one). Please consult a good astrologer (not a witch doctor) for advice on gymnastics, etc. In response to your question: it’s possible.
An initial reader in Lacey, Washington writes:
Is it really possible?
Hi, Marco. No. It’s not really possible.
OK, that’s all the time we have for this week. As always (AKA last week), please send your questions as comments on this post, or directly to conlan at thisis(I can’t believe it’s not)conlan.com. Peace out (just kidding).