A gracious host

In case you didn’t notice (and you didn’t, because you wouldn’t), I’ve switched webhosting companies for This Is Conlan. If you ever tried to visit the site and got a “Page cannot be displayed” error, or something similar, it’s because of my previous host: the craptubular Midphase/AN Hosting. Hopefully that kind of thing will be reduced now. Here is my cancellation email to Midphase/AN Hosting:

Dear Midphase:

Your hosting is perfect for a balls-to-the-extreme lifestyle, such as mine.

I’m not the kind of guy who enjoys predictability–the so-called status quo. I want excitement, uncertainty! I don’t want to be lulled into a calming state of peace. I’m an adrenaline junky who thrives on chaos! “Dependability” (AKA BORING) will never satiate my desire for sudden mayhem.

That’s why I appreciate your attention to detail. Some hosting companies might take the “responsible” (AKA BORING) route of having some mechanism to let customers know when they’re potentially losing money or clients, but you guys have too much respect for spontaneity. There’s nothing quite like the thrill of getting an unexpected email from a friend: “Hey, why is your site down?” Surprise! Why is it down, how long has it been down, when will it return? There’s no way to know, and it’s all part of the fun!

And you guys understand that unexpected excitement isn’t quite so exciting if you know it’ll happen only once or twice a year. You guys know it should happen at least a couple times every month! We all enjoy the adrenaline rush when we suddenly realize, a few times a day, that there’s a very good chance that our websites are inaccessible.

Here’s a great example from just yesterday.

I had a job interview last Friday, and offered my website as a portfolio of my work. Then, yesterday, just when my potential employer would be checking out my site, what do I discover? The site is down! What a rush! The panic, the mad scramble to get it running again on a different server. I’ve never felt more alive!

When I think of the other guy, my competition for the job, relaxed and comforted by his choice of “non-shitty” web hosting for his own site… well, I pity him. For he will never know what it is to truly experience life.

So I thank you, Midphase (or AN Hosting or whatever you’re called… you may want to think about some name consolidation), for bringing a little pizazz to my otherwise non-infuriating existence.

In conclusion, please cancel my service immediately, stub your toe, and burn in hell (I’ll settle for two out of three).

Sincerely,
Conlan

OK, so I exaggerated a little with the “otherwise non-infuriating” bit, but my point stands. And so do I. Up for what I believe in. Namely, blog.