Viewer Mail #31: Sicko

Someone named Caït from Avignon, France writes:

All of my friends are 20. You wanna buy them drinks, too, you sicko? Actually, Courtney is 21. Maybe she’ll buy you one.

Hi, Caït. That is an excellent question.

Before continuing, I would like to invite any of my readers who are law enforcement officials of any kind to visit this link instead of reading the remainder of this post.

Back to your question, Caït: Yes, I do want to buy your friends drinks (assuming they are good-looking and crying). Also, I will let anyone, including your friend “Courtney”, buy me a drink (assuming it does not contain roofies).

I hope that puts your curiosity to rest.

You know, Caït, your demeanor reminds me of my own sister, who is practically 20 years old (and whom I would not buy a drink for, no matter how much she cried, which she does a lot). She is stupid, but sometimes we would sing in the car together, along with our favorite music albums. Those were good times. Also, she smells.

That’s all the time we have time for this week, folks. Keep those questions coming, and note the new, fancy email address: conlan{at} And remember: spay and neuter yourself!