You Can’t Spell “Blog” Without “Poverty”

This morning at the ungodly hour of 10am, I was alerted by my dear friend @katrinaneufeld, that today is something called Blog Action Day.

Blog. Action. Day. Not three words you’d typically associate with ol’ Connie Con-Con (me). But when I heard that the “day” was “poverty”, how could I not action-blog about it?

Poverty is a serious issue. It saves marriages, for instance. Without poverty, everyone would be having extramarital affairs, because it would be easy to take a day off your high paying job, rent an expensive hotel room and go at it.

Poverty keeps the food chain from getting all out of whack. Without poverty, certain segments of the population would not be eating out of garbage cans; they’d have real food. Maybe even with forks and stuff! If that’s not a recipe for global nuclear disaster, I don’t know what is.

Most importantly, poverty is the primary source of international self-esteem. Posturing politicians try to make it seem like “war” or “freedom” affect a nations reputation. Eff that. You know what really boosts our self-image? iPods, bitches! How many Sub-Saharan Africans have iPods? And I’m not talking about the ratty old 1st Gen with the physical scroll wheel (BARF!). I mean at least 2nd Gen nanos. Hmm? How many have them? Crickets. That’s what I thought. I’ve got a mothereffin’ iPod touch! What do you think about that, Malawi?! Pfft. Losers.

Lastly, I would like to include the lyrics of an appropriate Ben Folds’s song, entitled “All You Can Eat”. I’m not really sure, but I think it has to do with this stuff somehow. I think it’s about how you suck if you don’t like Walmart or something. Just read (I apologize for the unseemly language):

Son, look at all the people in this restaurant
What d’you think they weigh?
And out the window to the parking lot
At their SUVs taking all of the space

They give no fuck
They talk as loud as they want
They give no fuck
Just as long as there’s enough for them

Gotta get on the microphone down at Walmart
Talk about some shit that’s been on my mind
Talk about the state of this great of this nation of ours
People look to your left, yeah, look to your right

They give no fuck
They buy as much as they want
They give no fuck
Just as long as there’s enough for them

[Badass Piano Solo]

Son, look at the people lining up for plastic
Wouldn’t you like to see them in the National Geographic?
Squatting bare-assed in the dirt eating rice from a bowl
With a towel on their head and maybe a bone in their nose
See that asshole with a peace-sign on his license plate
Giving me the finger and running me out of his lane

God made us number one ’cause he loves us the best
But he should go bless someone else for a while and give us a rest
(They give no…)
Yeah and everyone can see
(They give no…)
We’ve eaten all that we can eat

[More badass Piano]

Also, if you would like to read about similar things from someone who is not a jackass, try here, or most of the links at