Ask You: WTF?

Dear You,

I’ve got some questions for you/items that require your attention.

1. You may have noticed that, deep down on the lower right corner of the blog, in the least prominent place possible, I keep a list of links to blogs and things that I may or may not enjoy. Since my blog is one of “general interest” (i.e., not photos of my baby or cat—however much I do enjoy blogs about your babies and cats), I try to keep my blog list limited to such general interest websites and services. I just figure that you, with your baby cat blogs, may not want the seedy clientele of This Is Conlan wandering over and ogling your babies and cats. So, I try to keep the list tidy. That being said, if you do want scuzzy dirtbags of general interest checking out your site, shoot me an email or comment and I’ll see what I can do. (And, as always, I appreciate your devoted linkage to This Is Conlan, kitty blog or otherwise.)

2. Along the same lines, since I’m so beloved by you, I’ve been getting so many compliments lately—things like, “I think I love you” and “I love your mind” and “love, love, love, love, love” (I made up that last one)—that I’m considering adding a testimonials section to one of the pages around here. It would be kind of like LinkedIn recommendations, except, y’know, not a bunch of lies. So, if you want to help me regain some of my status in the international community, please send me some testimonials, leave them in a comment, or I’ll be forced to make them up.

3. Who is reading my blog in New York City? Seriously. Email me your name and social security number. You can remain completely anonymous. The curiosity is killing me, just like the cat that old lady put in the microwave to dry off. I’m talking, KER-SPLAT!, you know what I’m sayin’? I can’t think of anyone I’d know in New York, so if you don’t tell me I’ll assume it’s John Hodgman (new book in stores tomorrow!). And trust me, you wouldn’t want to see the size of my ego if I thought that (we’re talking grapefruit-sized, people!). So, you New Yorker, do us all a favor and own up (or die trying).

4. Please tell your friends about This Is Conlan, if you think it’s worth reading. I’m working on setting up some kind of readership drive; I’ve just got a few kinks left to work out (for example, figuring out why that wouldn’t be the stupidest thing ever).

In conclusion, please pay me money to write or edit something. Please! I’m begging you (more details to follow…).

With much love, and loathing, but mostly love, but especially loathing,
Yours Forever,