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November 2008

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11.30.08

Interview: Blinky The Robot People | (5)
I'd never received such an enthusiastic response to anything on the blog as I did when I revealed Blinky the Robot. Clearly, he was my most popular guest of all time. I decided to capitalize on that popularity (i.e., saturate the market with low-cost products competitors can't match, drive them out of business, then jack up my prices). It also gave me an idea for a new continuing feature, à la "Ask Conlan" or the Twitter BS. Namely, Interviews! Every week ((Not every week.)) I will present to you a transcript of an interview—conducted by me—of a popular or up-and-coming ...
11.30.08

And That’s a Fact! Life | (3)
In second grade, I was a skinny lad, with shockingly blond hair, wearing my trademark sweatpants with American flag patches on both knees. We were learning about the difference between facts and opinions. Mrs. Hunter would present a sentence like, "Johnny is walking to the store," and we would identify it as a statement of fact. Or, "Johnny is nice," and we'd say that's an opinion. Then she'd throw in, "Mrs. Hunter is the best teacher ever," and we—sycophants that we were—would say, "That's a fact!" We had a good laugh. But then came the trouble. "How about, 'Betty thinks ...
11.28.08

This is Twittering: Meta-commentary Digest, Episode 2 Internets | (3)
Time for more. REACTION: The use of skulls as a design element seems pretty tired. Unless you're a designer of skeletons. You know what I'm saying? Skulls are supposed to be all badass, then a few years ago they started trying to make them cute (I assume to take advantage of the untapped female bone-loving demographic). It's just dumb. I don't want to see any more skulls. Not on belt buckles. Not with little pink bows on. Not behind your face. El día de los STUPID, am I right? STUPID: I’m pregnant with your child. OK, OK, I’m exaggerating. I’m pregnant with your fetus. This is ...
11.25.08

Poetic Justice Short | (1)
My senior year in high school, in my Literature class, we had a unit on poetry. We had to write a bunch of poems to be turned in, at the end of the unit, in a unique and creative way (i.e., not stapled together in a report cover). I think some of my classmates wrote all their poems on a T-shirt, or made a paper bouquet out of them (I don't know, I'm making stuff up) or stapled them together in a report cover—but, like, a neon pink one. I elected to be creative and make a bold statement about poetry ...
11.23.08

This is Twittering: Meta-commentary Digest, Episode 1 Internets | (2)
I realize that not everyone is cool enough to use Twitter, and the little box on the right isn't enough to stay up to date on my scathingly brilliant wit and warptitude. With this in mind, I am going to collect the best of the worst of my twitterings here, in a new segment I like to call "This is Twittering: Meta-commentary Digest". It also gives me a chance to commentate on my commentary, in chronological order (which I love, obviously). Everything listed is original content, by me, unless it's in quotes; then it is me quoting something. Categories include: ...

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