The First Occasional Readership Drive!

I’ve developed quite a little following on this blog (and I mean little), and you’re surprisingly loyal. I’m not just talking about my best friends who have to read it—and who, in reality, seem a bit lazy keeping abreast of it (and if there’s one thing I want my friends to keep, it’s abreast.) But there are people I hardly know, and who would never speak to me in real life, who read my blog regularly. I can tell; I see your little dots in Google Analytics.

So this gave me an idea. Some people have friends, right? So what if those people told their friends to read my blog? That’d be pretty cool, huh? But why would anyone go to all the trouble of telling someone something? How about: to get a special “thank you” gift? That’s how PBS rolls, and what’s good enough for Jim Lehrer is good enough for me.

So, I formally present to you:

The First Occasional This Is Conlan Readership Drive!

Here’s how it works: You tell three (3) of your friends who aren’t yet familiar with the brilliance of This Is Conlan to check it out. You can just send them to, or, if you’re really nice, you can use the “browse” button or search field at the top (or dig through the archives) to find some of your favorite posts and link directly to those—for that personal touch. Maybe they will become regular readers, maybe they won’t. But the point is, you tried.

Here’s a sample email you could send:

Dear Someone I Never Heard Of,

Go see this blog: [LINK]. I think it’s [funny, stupid, has pretty colors, whatever]. Check it out because I want a prize.

Someone Else

“Sounds easy enough,” you say. “But this is America, see? Yeah, and I ain’t gonna do nothin’ for nothin’, ya follow me? What’re the goods?” Well, my 40s-gangster-movie-poorly-impersonating friend, I will tell you.

Everyone who refers three or more people to my site will receive one (1) electronic version of an original hand-drawn piece of art by me, Conlan.

For example, Dominique James, some chick who I met once, has referred multiple people to my site, some of whom even linked to me without my knowing! That’s pretty good public relations. For her unwavering support, I am presenting Dominique with this personal, hand-crafted image:


Not a bad deal, right?

“But Conlan,” you say. “This is America. How will you keep track of these referrals?”

What happened to your accent? I’m glad you asked. This is America, and there are no truer, bluer, American pure-o’-hearts than all of you who read my blog. I am comfortable with a little thing I like to call, The Honor System. If you refer three people, and you’re reasonably satisfied that they at least took a look, let me know. Email conlan at or leave a comment with your email address (it won’t be displayed), and I will send you your very own digital copy of a digitally-drawn ((I mean with my fingers holding a pen.)) drawing.

I have no idea how this will work. If I’m inundated (as I trust I will be, due to your overwhelming loyalty and goodwill), it may take a while to finish all the drawings. If not, it won’t take as long. I ask that you please bear with me as we embark together on this historic experiment.

Thank you.

Note: The drawings will have nothing to do with anything and you have no say is what is contained in the drawing you get. It could be dirty ((It won’t be.)).