This Is Twittering: Meta-commentary Digest, Episode 4

STUPID:

If your selected numbers are 23, 91, 10, 45, and 77, then you seem to be playing some sort of lottery game I was unaware of.

The ol’ switcheroo.

WORDPLAY:

I stand by my assertion that the most painful punctuation combination is the colon slash.

I felt very clever when this occurred to me. I’ve never felt the need to transmit my emotions textually through punctuation (not that there’s anything wrong with that ;P ). But I often make up my own ironic emoticons, e.g., &*), @^S, and 80085 (BOOBS). Also, I take joy in spelling out the punctuation used for traditional emoticons: semicolon lowercase “p”, colon open-parethesis, etc. That’s how I stumbled upon (no relation) this gem. I guess :/ could represent “confused” or something. But I like to think of it as… COLON SLASH! To wit: slashing a colon. Ouch.

STUPID:

Do Eskimos consider ice to be water’s normal state? And if so, why are Eskimos so stupid?

This is actually smarter than I think. It’s a variation of the blowhard’s trusty friend, the strawman argument. If you don’t know what that is, you’re as dumb as an Eskimo. Ice? Come on!

WISDOM:

Note to all vitriolic atheists and arrogant theists: smarter people than you have held the opposing viewpoint. Tone down the condescension.

This is just flat out true. Same deal for political ideologies and just about anything people disagree on. Think about it. Seriously.

WORDPLAY:

Digging a tunnel is boring.

This is one of my all-time favorites. I won’t ruin it for you with an explanation.

WORDPLAY:

The California legislature just passed Cole’s Law! Beginning August 1, no seafood shall be permitted without accompanying shredded cabbage.

Again, this speaks for itself.

REACTION:

The cultural dilution of the simile “like a sauna” and the word “literally” means I’m unable to meaningfully describe today’s bus ride.

The steamed-up windows started to drip. Nothing could evaporate. So hot. It was literally like a sauna.

That concludes this episode of “This Is Twittering: Meta-commentary Digest”.