12DB, Day 4: This Is Twittering: Meta-commentary Digest, Episode 7

Congratulations. It’s time for It’s time for another episode of “This Is Twittering: Meta-commentary Digest”.

STUPID:

For religions where dancing is prohibited, is Restless Leg Syndrome considered demonic possession?

This is a joke, but it’s not hard for me to imagine it being true.

WORDPLAY:

If you love staying in hotels so much, then why don’t you _Marriot_?

Here’s an old joke of mine. It works better when spoken of course, but it is still pure genius.

STUPID:

If I were ambidextrous, I’d never let anyone know. That way I could commit the perfect crime.

This is a bit of nonsense that is also a good idea. I know what you’re thinking: “Conlan, are you ambidextrous or not?” Well, my friend, you’ll never know… until it’s too late.

WISDOM:

If a deaf person falls in the forest, does he really?

This is just good comedy. I heard that some people may have been offended by it. If that’s true, those people don’t understand comedy. It’s not a joke about deaf people or deaf people falling down (despite how hilarious that would be); the joke is in the subversion of the old zen cliché. Although maybe that’s the offensive part. Namasté.

WISDOM:

If Schrödinger’s cat is in a box in the forest and no one’s around to see it, is the cat really simultaneously dead and alive?

This one’s for all the theoretical physicists out there!

STUPID:

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Unless the cure is, like, bed rest, which is free, so really the prevention isn’t worth it.

I know, I know. Bed rest, if it keeps you from your job, isn’t free, so this is not actually true. That’s why I labeled it “STUPID”. Lighten up. Plus, I’m a PROFESSIONAL WRITER, so it pretty much is true.

STUPID:

Yesterday I spilled some soda in my room, and now I have ants. Luckily it was diet soda, so it’s only the tiny ants.

I could have phrased this better, but you get it, right?

WISDOM:

If your name is Nicole, Lindsa(e)y or Lauren, please change it. There are too many of you.

Seriously. I mean, come on.

REACTION:

Another note regarding Halloween: It’s a good thing I didn’t go as Manos The Hands Of Fate, because there were no single girls at the party.

When discussing potential Halloween costumes with my friend, I remarked that Manos (read: The Master) or Torgo from “Manos”: The Hands of Fate would make for good costumes, and that if a woman recognized the costume, I “would have to marry her immediately.” I was, however, exaggerating. She would also have to be hot.

REACTION:

I feel bad that my nice friends link to me on their family/friend blogs, so their nice grandmas click on me and find bad words and homosex.

I do worry about this, even though I don’t really discuss “homosex” very often. But it ended up fitting 140 characters exactly, so I went with it.

…On the other hand, a hit’s a hit.

That too.

That concludes this episode of “This Is Twittering: Meta-commentary Digest”.