This is “Conlan Sucks”

I have to say, I’m disappointed in you twelve. I thought at least a couple would take part in the “Conlan’s Great” Challenge. But it looks like you’re all “Conlan’s Great” challenged! Haha… ha… sob… heh… ahem.

Well, by their silence, my readers have spoken! You’re not interested in self-congratulatory, metaphorically-masterbatory, audience-participatory schlock. No, you want hardcore Con-bashing. That’s understandable. Why should my blog be any different from the inside of my own head? So, I enlisted the help of my favorite hater, my pal Thisisconlansucks over at, and he agreed to help me out. I’ll turn it over to him for now…

Thanks for giving me this opportunity to present my case directly to your readers. That’s a pretty respectedable thing to do and made me rethink just how much you do suck Conlan. So I rethought it and concluded that you do IN FACT suck a ton.

So first I’d like to show a limerick I’ve been working on:

There once was a guy named Conlan
Nothing rhymes with Conlan
Because he sucks so damn much!

Thank you.

Also, if your readers hate you as much as I do (and they should), they will love this picture I drew of you (ACCURATE!):


Pretty great, right? I know. I’ve been saving that one for a special occasion, and what could be more occasional than on YOUR BLOG??

I’ve got one more for you. One of those vertical namey poems, you know.

C is for Conlan, who is a stupid lame-o.
O is for Obstetrician
N is for Narcolepsy, which is how boring you are.
L is for Like, a million crappy things!
A is for Abominable Snowman, who smells better than you.
N is for Narcolepsy, because you are still so boring!

Well, there you have it. Hope that helps.


Thanks, buddy.

As for you twelve, feel free to leave your own insults in the comments. Although I don’t think you can top Thisisconlansucks. He’s got quite a head-start.