Ask Conlan: A man of letters

A reader from Moscow, Russia writes:

Днем Рождения, Конлан. Вы знаете, почему все мои письма ищем, как это? Да, очень хорошо. чем ты думаешь?

Боб, из России

Thanks for your question, Bob. The truth is, most languages in the world are based on what experts call “drawings in caves”. In the early 20th Century, the explorer Henry Walton Jones “Jr.” discovered some drawings in a cave in France that we now know are actually the modern letters of an ancient alphabet. (If you look at it upside down it spells “BOOBS”.) So, to put it in layered man’s terms, it was a “spicy meatball” of archeology. Also, “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing.”

Ancient hieroglypicsThis may be what you are referring to when you say “очень хорошо”. But, like most situations, there are no easy answers. Unless the situation is, like, two plus two. That’s four. That’s a pretty easy answer. A lot of math is pretty easy, come to think of it. But not always. Sometimes math can be painful. Not unlike heartburn.

If you’re experiencing acid reflux (and I don’t know if you are, because I have never walked a mile in your письмаs, nor would I want to, if you know what I mean), then seek help from a medical professional. That would be my advice (if the Federal Trade Commission allowed me to give advice, which they don’t). Happy birthday to you too.

Thanks for writing, Bob. If anyone else has a question for Ask Conlan, please leave it in the comments and I will answer it just as soon as I clear up this FTC misunderstanding.