“Better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you’re going to kill them than to open it and remove all doubt.”
My lawyer didn’t really say this. Abraham Lincoln did. And, although Abraham Lincoln was a lawyer probably, he was not my lawyer, nor did he ever say this.
Some things are better left undead.
This might be about zombies, I don’t know.
Creative tip: good parody requires familiarity with the thing being parodied, not just familiarity with other parodies of that thing.
In many cases, the best parody has a genuine affection for the source material. Just making fun of something you think is stupid is easy and boring and, usually, also stupid.
I like old stuff, like from the 1940s and stuff, but it’s cool because I’m not a dick about it.
This one earned a coveted spot in the Quotes of the Week of some chick I know. I don’t know what she thought was noteworthy about it, but for me it was just one of those things I say, you know?
I have a deep sense of, and appreciation for, nostalgia. If I had to choose between a super-fun time-traveling vacation to the 1920s and having my toes chopped off one by one, I would choose the time travel 99% of the time.
But, that being the case, I’ve also noticed that some other people seem to, sort of, ostentatiously like old stuff, the way that some people ironically like stupid stuff (which is not to say these other antiquarians are trying to be ironic). And I never want to commit that (in my mind) cardinal sin of ostentation, so that’s what I meant by “not being a dick about it”. It was just a joke; chill out.
I’m glad that “aging gracefully” is passé, because I’m sick of taking old people seriously.
I never really took old people seriously, despite my fondness for old stuff. But I don’t really hate old people, either (although I like to pretend I do, because so many cool people hate old people). Luckily, Botox and plastic surgery makes it easy to think old people are dumb, because it looks dumb. Also, sad.
The best things in life are freezers.
This is an example of me exaggerating.
Here is a short hiatal hernia. http://thisisconlan.com/?p=1640
This is funny because it’s kind of, almost, literally, true. Because it’s a protrusion from my hiatus. (It’s these kinds of things that show you how great I am, really.)
That concludes this episode of this crazy little thing called This Is Twittering: Meta-commentary Digest.