I’ve updated my About page to make more sense, but I got a lot ((Probably two.)) of compliments on the old description—reproduced here—and it will always have a special place in my heart.
You are Conlan Spangler. You are a writer (some may say, “unemployed”, but those are the jealous ones) and live in Fresno, CA. You write a blog and other things sometimes. You suffer from social anxiety and advanced misanthropism. You enjoy referring to yourself in the second person (he didn’t see that one coming, did I?). You’re an overpronator: you need arch support. You dislike euphemism. You enjoy onomatopoeia. You exaggerate to the point of absurdity (which you believe is the proper way to exaggerate). You are cynical about many things (for example, cynicism itself). You do a little dance when you’re alone in elevators. You have poor posture. You don’t smile superfluously. You like music, philosophical consistency, and old time radio. You may or may not be a half-human/half-robot cyborg from the center of the Earth, sent to the surface on a secret mission of observation, but—rest assured—with only benevolent intentions. Again, that’s a maybe. Anyway, if I want to pay you to write or edit something, or I know a funny joke, email yourself: [my email address].