Ask Conlan: Ipsay Actfay

Somebody writes:

Why do you waste everyone’s time with these dumb “Ask Conlan” things? Most of the time they don’t even make sense. When I get done reading it I usually say to myself something funny like, “There’s five minutes of my life I’ll never get back” or something like that, like they’d say in a movie, you know? You’re weird.

Thanks for your question, Weird. Since it is actually two questions, I will answer one at a time. First, to answer your second question: yes, I know. It’s like a funny thing you’d hear in a movie. If you ever did hear it in a movie, then it would be like something you’d hear in a movie, ipso facto. Ipso facto is Latin for “sip taffy”. I don’t care much for taffy. It’s too sticky. It’s like, “Hey, dude, quit sticking to my teeth,” or something funny like that.

Now, onto the other part of the question that I made up. Did you know time can be recycled? (Astrophysics.) In other words, time is on our side. Yes, it is. Sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone. This most often happens when you write a note in disappearing ink, and then you can’t remember that you needed to buy some toilet paper and boy is your face red.

Does that answer your question? Of course it does.