This Is Twittering, Episode 38: “A Line From A Movie, Probably” Edition

Sometimes, based only on the name of a movie and its commercials, I like to make an educated guess about what the movie will be like. And sometimes I like to guess what the clichéd dialogue will sound like. Thus, my “A Line From A Movie, Probably” toot series was born.

It should be noted, I haven’t seen any of these movies—nor do I plan to—so I don’t know if they really contain lines like these (and I also have no idea if my synopses below accurately reflect the film—I’m basing them mostly on the commercials). But it should also be noted that I sincerely believe these lines (or lines very similar to them) could be in these films, because of the predictability of the Hollywood formula. And that’s why I think it’s funny.

It all started with We Bought A Zoo:

A widowed Matt Damon and his kids buy a zoo as they struggle to make sense of life and loss. You better believe there are gonna be some moments of doubt.

A Thousand Words:

This Eddie Murphy comedy maintains an impressive zero percent critics’ rating on Rotten Tomatoes. From what I gather, Eddie Murphy is a fast-talking sleaze-bag who is visited by a genie who gives him only one thousand more words to speak before he dies or something. By the end of the movie, he undoubtedly learns the importance of listening to others and not being an asshole.

The Lucky One:

This schlocky emotion-porn, based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks (The Notebook, etc.), is about a soldier who falls in love with a photo of some chick he’s never met. After his tour of duty ends, the soldier seeks out this mystery woman so he can have sex with her. (Maybe the chick is a widow of one of the soldier’s fallen comrades. That would appropriately cloying, but I don’t know.) I think the identity of the titular character will be left ambiguous, because authors like to be cutesy like that.

At this point, I tooted that I hoped my followers were enjoying my “A Line From A Movie, Probably” series. My supportive friend @jamescollier told me to “Keep hoping,” to which I replied with Hope Floats:

This is an older movie starring Sandra Bullock. I don’t know much about it, but I guess she’s struggling to find love and trust again after an ugly divorce. If there is a titular line in the movie, then this should be it. I actually think it’s a pretty endearing metaphor, even if it’s overly sentimental.

Battleship:

This action movie, ostensibly based on the famed Milton-Bradley game, features aliens (or Transformers or something) attacking the world’s oceans, I guess. Other than the fact that it features battleships, I can’t see any connection to the game. That’s why I say this line (obviously taken from the game’s well-known commercials) is definitely in the movie. Otherwise there’d be no connection to the game at all. I imagine Liam Nesson will yell it angrily after an alien destroys one of his fleet’s ships, right before he gives the order to fire every torpedo they’ve got. The audience will go nuts.

So, that’s my “A Line From A Movie, Probably” series so far. What will I think of next?