This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest, Episode 42

What’s this? This Is Twittering.

STUPID:

I like this joke for three reasons: (1) a fart wouldn’t have much of an effect in a wind tunnel, so it makes sense as an idiom, (2) a fart probably wouldn’t ever help anything—wind tunnel or not—so it makes no sense at all, and (3) farts.

WISDOM:

Please star this on Twitter. Because I’m a star.

WISDOM:

This is ironic because I don’t have an indomitable optimism about humanity. Or maybe I do. Either way, it’s tough.

REACTION:

This is dumb.

WISDOM:

This is mean. (But maybe true?)

STUPID:

You think I’m just making a dumb joke here, but what if I’m not? What if we’re all wrong about love? What if love isn’t about passion and fuzzy feelings of adoration? What’s if it’s really about shared commitment, dedication to a common goal, and occasional after-hours orgies on a big spinning wheel?

REACTION:

This is not a joke about suicide or religion. It’s a joke about platitudes.

STUPID:

I forget why this sentence popped into my head, but I remember that it did, fully formed (and it refers to me). I just like the way it sounds.

REACTION:

I’m not talking about the fact that the chances of winning are 1 in 175,000,000. What I was referencing here is the pseudo-statistical games I saw people playing. I saw someone online say that the chance of there being multiple winners remains the same no matter how many people buy tickets. This is of course not true: the more people who buy tickets, the higher the likelihood that (if the winning numbers are chosen) two or more people will split the jackpot. Others were claiming that your chances of winning are higher if you choose numbers numbers over 31 because so many people pick their numbers based on dates. This may increase the chances of not splitting a winning a jackpot, but it doesn’t change the chances of winning any single draw (which is always exactly the same). The odds of the winning numbers being 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 is exactly the same as them being 3, 14, 28, 35, 39, 42.1 Sequential winning numbers just don’t happen often because there are so many other potential non-sequential possibilities.

I don’t play the lotto, but I have no problem with people who do. I just don’t want people operating under false premises. The More You Know.™

WISDOM:

This one didn’t really turn out how I’d hoped. The joke is that, just because your mom taught you something, that doesn’t mean it’s true or a good idea. But I don’t think I found the right punchline that was funny, universal, and true. Besides, my mom didn’t teach me to only say nice things.

That concludes this episode.

  1. This is disregarding the Mega Number, but the principle is the same. []