And now, this.
WISDOM:
Everyone in the world is unique and special, except for me.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 3, 2012
I like this one for its paradoxical form, but I don’t think it’s quite amusing enough to make it really good.
WORDPLAY:
“We’re *all* doctors without Borders now.” – a funny doctor talking to her doctor friends about how she hates Barnes & Noble.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 5, 2012
This is pretty funny. You should retweet it.
REACTION:
Kanye, I’ma let you finish, but literally everyone else in the world has one of the best everything of all time, compared to Kim Kardashian.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 5, 2012
So I guess Kanye West is dating, or was dating, or wanted to date Kim Kardashian or something. ((I get most of my popular pop culture news by glancing at headlines of articles I don’t read.)) This is not so much a joke about Kim Kardashian’s vacuousness as it is a joke about Kanye West being kind of a hypocrite. He’s supposedly such a discriminating talent-snob that he was upset enough to rudely interrupt someone’s award acceptance speech, yet he feels OK being in a relationship with a person who has no discernible talent other than looking kind of pretty and having a sex tape.
WORDPLAY:
We always hurt the ones we love to punch.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 5, 2012
I’m proud of this one. You should retweet this, too.
REACTION:
If someone posts a sonogram photo to Facebook, I think it would be funny to leave a comment that says, “Gross!”
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 7, 2012
I just think this would be funny.
REACTION:
Little Caesar’s hot-and-ready pizzas are a great option for when you would literally die if you don’t eat pizza in the next 10 minutes.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 7, 2012
See, this is funny is because they aren’t very good.
WISDOM:
Don’t be a scumbag.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 7, 2012
This is good advice, I think.
STUPID:
When God closes a door, he opens a window because somebody farted.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 7, 2012
Yep.
STUPID:
If you attached a piece of buttered toast to a cat and dropped it, it would never hit the ground because I’d catch it and eat it.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 7, 2012
Because I don’t want good buttered cat-toast to go to waste.
OK, that’s all for this episode.