And now, this.
WISDOM:
Everyone in the world is unique and special, except for me.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 3, 2012
I like this one for its paradoxical form, but I don’t think it’s quite amusing enough to make it really good.
WORDPLAY:
“We’re *all* doctors without Borders now.” – a funny doctor talking to her doctor friends about how she hates Barnes & Noble.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 5, 2012
This is pretty funny. You should retweet it.
REACTION:
Kanye, I’ma let you finish, but literally everyone else in the world has one of the best everything of all time, compared to Kim Kardashian.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 5, 2012
So I guess Kanye West is dating, or was dating, or wanted to date Kim Kardashian or something.1 This is not so much a joke about Kim Kardashian’s vacuousness as it is a joke about Kanye West being kind of a hypocrite. He’s supposedly such a discriminating talent-snob that he was upset enough to rudely interrupt someone’s award acceptance speech, yet he feels OK being in a relationship with a person who has no discernible talent other than looking kind of pretty and having a sex tape.
WORDPLAY:
We always hurt the ones we love to punch.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 5, 2012
I’m proud of this one. You should retweet this, too.
REACTION:
If someone posts a sonogram photo to Facebook, I think it would be funny to leave a comment that says, “Gross!”
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 7, 2012
I just think this would be funny.
REACTION:
Little Caesar’s hot-and-ready pizzas are a great option for when you would literally die if you don’t eat pizza in the next 10 minutes.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 7, 2012
See, this is funny is because they aren’t very good.
WISDOM:
Don’t be a scumbag.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 7, 2012
This is good advice, I think.
STUPID:
When God closes a door, he opens a window because somebody farted.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 7, 2012
Yep.
STUPID:
If you attached a piece of buttered toast to a cat and dropped it, it would never hit the ground because I’d catch it and eat it.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) April 7, 2012
Because I don’t want good buttered cat-toast to go to waste.
OK, that’s all for this episode.
- I get most of my popular pop culture news by glancing at headlines of articles I don’t read. [↩]