Problems

  1. Secondhand smoke.
  2. Inevitability of death.
  3. Bonsai trees.
  4. Uncomfortable shoes.
  5. Thinning hair.
  6. Wrinkled shirts.
  7. Pleated pants.
  8. Stinky feet.
  9. Out of paper towel.
  10. Dirty dishes.
  11. Social anxiety.
  12. Nobody understands me.
  13. Need more fiber in my diet.
  14. A do-nothing congress.
  15. Two left feet.
  16. Lawsuit from that botched foot-reattachment operation.
  17. A do-something congress.
  18. Lies.
  19. Damn lies.
  20. Need to think of 83 more problems.
  21. Statistics.
  22. Asbestos.
  23. Car is making weird noises.
  24. Ear wax.
  25. Bathroom sink is clogged.
  26. Climate change.
  27. Why isn’t all yogurt Greek yogurt?
  28. #kony2012
  29. Your platitude attitude.
  30. Nausea.
  31. It’s too hot.
  32. Children are being abused.
  33. Children are starving.
  34. Children are obese.
  35. Children are ugly and stupid and smell bad.
  36. Nose itches.
  37. Traffic on the Fulton Mall?
  38. Not tall enough to touch the ceiling.
  39. Client hasn’t paid me.
  40. Baseball caps look dumb on people who aren’t at baseball games.
  41. Can’t find my toenail clippers.
  42. Dandruff.
  43. Beard dandruff.
  44. Back dandruff.
  45. Psoriasis.
  46. Tired.
  47. Good TV shows getting canceled.
  48. Can’t play a musical instrument.
  49. People who refer to glockenspiels as xylophones.
  50. Noisy people in movie theaters.
  51. Bad beer.
  52. Typos.
  53. Fake celebrity Twitter accounts.
  54. Teenagers.
  55. Manipulation.
  56. Hitler’s ghost.
  57. Doritos Locos tacos.
  58. Mismatched socks.
  59. Unrequited love.
  60. Unrequited bongos.
  61. Scandinavians.
  62. Cat food commercials.
  63. Jumping jacks.
  64. Disfluency.
  65. Trigonometry.
  66. Nicholas Cage.
  67. Angry birds (literally).
  68. Inertia.
  69. Not nearly famous enough.
  70. Ennui.
  71. Popular music.
  72. Pop culture.
  73. Popular Mechanics.
  74. Angry Birds (the game).
  75. Dysthymia.
  76. Two of the Four Tops.
  77. Angry Birds (the reality TV show).
  78. Reality TV.
  79. Cancer, in general.
  80. Dust.
  81. Hassles.
  82. Tassels.
  83. Castles.
  84. No purpose in life.
  85. Fleas.
  86. Scumbags.
  87. Sleazeballs.
  88. Rat-bastards.
  89. High-fructose corn syrup.
  90. Dancing.
  91. Hydrogenated oils.
  92. Too good-looking?
  93. No superpowers.
  94. Chinese knockoffs.
  95. Pseudoscience.
  96. Tomfoolery.
  97. Google+.
  98. Bad poetry.
  99. Hidden meanings.

Hey, how about that? Not one.