This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest, Episode 50

It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for: the star-studded1, super-sized2 50th3 episode4 of This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest!

STUPID:

This is funny because everyone already knows: before the sun, they used turtles.

WORDLAY:

I’m so funny.

WORDPLAY:

Other than “I know” and “I don’t know,” these two sentences are probably the most common sentences spoken about “knowing”. I thought that was pretty poetic. And also sad. And also HILARIOUS!

STUPID:

STUPIDER:

STUPIDEST:

I don’t have a DVR. But, of all the factors a person can “have”, I do think “X” is the coolest.5

REACTION:

Did you find the mistake?

WORDPLAY:

The day after I tooted this, I listened to a podcast where a comedian said he had used a similar joke in his routine. Small world. But I like this joke for two reasons: (1) because of the obvious reversal of the expectation, but also (2) because the idea of stating that you “see” what you are about to eat is funny to me. It would be still be funny (maybe funnier) if it didn’t have anything to do with seafood: “I’m on this new diet. I see fruits and vegetables and I eat them.” It’s a completely superfluous thing to say, y’know? Look, I just think it’s funny, OK? I don’t care if you disagree. Get off my back! You can be a real dick sometimes.

WORDPLAY:

This is dumb. Looks like you were right about me after all.

WISDOM:

This is a joke. I did realize that Facebook was going to make it plausible.

WISDOM:

This is a joke. I don’t blame youth or anything else for my bad decisions. It’s one of the reasons I hate myself so much.

STUPID:

Have you ever heard someone say “high praise, indeed”? That’s a thing people say, right? I think it is. I’m sure I’ve heard it, but you’ve really got me doubting myself now.

WORDPLAY:

This is a joke about taglines for two unrelated products.

WISDOM:

Remember when I said, “I’m lucky people like me so much or they probably wouldn’t like me so much”? I was thinking of this movie (or vice versa). In the movie, the whole town kind of goes out of their way to be nice to a guy (Ryan Gosling) with a sex doll (that he doesn’t have sex with) who’s kind of crazy.6 And that’s how I feel sometimes. Like I’m crazy but people still like me. They excuse my neuroses and support me anyway (but they still think I’m weird).

Did you think I was just making a joke about how good-looking I am?

REACTION:

See, because the people on it aren’t really stars very much.7

REACTION:

Is it clear that I think the presumption is that the celebrity doesn’t need them, not that they would try them on? I didn’t have room to say that it was a celebrity.8 It’s unclear, isn’t it? I was trying to fit it in 140 characters! I had to make some tradeoffs. I’m sorry. Maybe I should just stop watching commercials until I learn how to comment on them effectively.

WISDOM:

I don’t really know what my point was with this one. Maybe that it’s lonely at the bottom too?

WISDOM:

Speaking of assholes, I’m sorry about earlier when I said you can be a real dick. I was just feeling insecure and attacked. I didn’t mean it. I’m gonna go hold hands with my sex doll now…9

  1. Contains neither stars nor studs, but there are several footnotes. []
  2. It’s barely moderate-sized. []
  3. This is true if you don’t count half-episodes. []
  4. This part is totally true. []
  5. Even cooler than the “cool” factor. []
  6. It’s really quite a good movie. Although, SPOILER ALERT (seriously), I wish it would have ended with Ryan Gosling admitting that he knew he was being weird all along, but he just couldn’t cope any other way. I think that could have been a super emotional and poignant scene. Instead, he’s just kind of really crazy and then he gets a little better. []
  7. This is also why this episode of This Is Twittering is not star-studded. Urkel says hi though. []
  8. See? This one could have studded some stars too, but I effed it up again. []
  9. That concludes this footnote-studded, moderately-sized 50th-or-so episode of This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest. []