This Is Twittering: Inspiration Edition, Part 5

A few months ago I decided to satirize the cheesy inspirational sayings I see parroted all the time, online and off. But there’s a twist: although I tend toward pessimism on an individual level, I can’t shake the inkling of hope that we, as human beings, can be better. So, while a lot of these “inspirational” sayings are just dumb jokes, some of them are actually meaningful too. That’s why I’m expounding upon them here every day this week, and This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest: Inspiration Edition, Part 5.

My grandpa really did used to say this, and it’s a pretty cynical way to view the world. And now my grandpa is dead, so just look where it got him.

That being said, I think it’s a funny and useful thing to keep in mind, as a starting point. ((To be clear: I make a distinction between a “starting point” and an “accepted-as-true premise”.))

I think “bitchin’ eyeball keychains” is funny. The idea of a keychain made of a human eyeball is pretty absurd, but not so absurd that it’s hard to believe some people would think it’s kind of cool. I especially like the idea that we, as a society, were on the fence about whether to institute this kind of retributory justice, but finally decided in favor of it just because we’d get some cool trinkets out of it.

I’m proud of this one’s elegance.

This is true. It’s easy to get caught up in the violence around us and get scared of The World. But think for a minute about how cool it is that the vast majority of people are—right at this moment—not plotting to murder you. That has to make you feel good, right?

I think the phrase “nuclear holocaust” is funny.

I can’t decide if this one is dumb or awesome. Tie goes to awesome, so: probably awesome.

For more information about you looking nice today, listen to You Look Nice Today (parential discretion is advised).

This is a joke. The previous night I had tweeted something to the effect of “When did ‘it is what it is’ become such a popular way to say nothing?” But that was a joke too. My real feeling is that “it is what it is” is often a very popular way of saying “I really wish it was what it’s not.”

This is not inspirational. I don’t know what I was thinking.

“Squirt” is a funny word, and this is a funny tweet.

Nobody likes hearing “I told you so”, but we sure do like saying it, don’t we?

This is very wise.

That concludes this extra-special episode (and this entire Inspiration Edition mini-series) of This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest.