A few months ago I decided to satirize the cheesy inspirational sayings I see parroted all the time, online and off. But there’s a twist: although I tend toward pessimism on an individual level, I can’t shake the inkling of hope that we, as human beings, can be better. So, while a lot of these “inspirational” sayings are just dumb jokes, some of them are actually meaningful too. That’s why I’m expounding upon them here every day this week, and This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest: Inspiration Edition, Part 5.
Daily Inspiration: As my grandpa used to say, "People are no damn good."
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) August 15, 2012
My grandpa really did used to say this, and it’s a pretty cynical way to view the world. And now my grandpa is dead, so just look where it got him.
That being said, I think it’s a funny and useful thing to keep in mind, as a starting point.1
Daily Inspiration: "An eye for an eye" makes the whole world blind. On the other hand, just think of all those bitchin' eyeball keychains.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) August 16, 2012
I think “bitchin’ eyeball keychains” is funny. The idea of a keychain made of a human eyeball is pretty absurd, but not so absurd that it’s hard to believe some people would think it’s kind of cool. I especially like the idea that we, as a society, were on the fence about whether to institute this kind of retributory justice, but finally decided in favor of it just because we’d get some cool trinkets out of it.
Daily Inspiration: Each of us is unique in our own horrible way.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) August 18, 2012
I’m proud of this one’s elegance.
Daily Inspiration: The vast majority of people do not want to kill you.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) August 19, 2012
This is true. It’s easy to get caught up in the violence around us and get scared of The World. But think for a minute about how cool it is that the vast majority of people are—right at this moment—not plotting to murder you. That has to make you feel good, right?
Daily Inspiration: The grass is always greener than a nuclear holocaust.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) August 20, 2012
I think the phrase “nuclear holocaust” is funny.
Daily Inspiration: Dance like you're about to be devoured by zombies. Sing like you're screaming as you run from zombies. Love like BRAAINS!
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) August 21, 2012
I can’t decide if this one is dumb or awesome. Tie goes to awesome, so: probably awesome.
Daily Inspiration: You look nice today.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) August 22, 2012
For more information about you looking nice today, listen to You Look Nice Today (parential discretion is advised).
Daily Inspiration: It is what it is.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) August 23, 2012
This is a joke. The previous night I had tweeted something to the effect of “When did ‘it is what it is’ become such a popular way to say nothing?” But that was a joke too. My real feeling is that “it is what it is” is often a very popular way of saying “I really wish it was what it’s not.”
Daily Inspiration: Thank God It's Fried egg.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) August 24, 2012
This is not inspirational. I don’t know what I was thinking.
Daily Inspiration: What you don't know won't squirt you.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) August 25, 2012
“Squirt” is a funny word, and this is a funny tweet.
Daily Inspiration: I told you so.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) August 31, 2012
Nobody likes hearing “I told you so”, but we sure do like saying it, don’t we?
Daily Inspiration: Less melodrama, more mellow drama.
— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) September 1, 2012
This is very wise.
That concludes this extra-special episode (and this entire Inspiration Edition mini-series) of This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest.
- To be clear: I make a distinction between a “starting point” and an “accepted-as-true premise”. [↩]