Sometimes I tell jokes on Twitter, and This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest.

WORDPLAY:

I believe "minimal lawn American" is the preferred gnomenclature.

— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 25, 2012

Silent G’s are funny. (I’m talking about taciturn gangsters.)

WISDOM:

Remember how stupid you were 10 years ago? In 10 years, that's how stupid you'll be right now too. So maybe quit being such a dick.

— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 27, 2012

This is true. We’re all stupider and smarter than we were or will be, so how about let’s cut each other some slack, OK?

WISDOM:

Conlan's Law of Mustache Jokes: As a discussion about mustaches grows longer, the probability of a joke involving Hitler approaches 1.

— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 24, 2012

This is funny because it’s true.

WISDOM:

I believe in celebrating small victories. I also believe in beating myself up over small defeats, so it pretty much evens out.

— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 14, 2012

This is funny because it’s true.

STUPID:

This holiday season, remember to buy only Spangler brand candy canes, not Bob's. My uncle Bob is a dirtbag and a traitor and a thief.

— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 10, 2012

This is funny because it’s not true. (I have no connection to the Spangler Candy Company.)

WORDPLAY:

If I already had one soulmate and then I met another one, I think a funny thing say would be, "A girl like her is one in 500,000."

— Conlan Spangler (@thisisconlan) November 8, 2012

In a way, that’s even more impressive.

That concludes this episode of This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest.