This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest, Episode 79

I make jokes on Twitter. Then I blog about them. This is Twittering.

REACTION:

To be clear: you don’t only use 10% of your brain.

REACTION:

Just kidding. Don’t do what I do. Never do what I do.

WISDOM:

This is an interesting sentiment. It’s not that I (hypothetically) don’t want someone else to be happy; it’s that I don’t want someone else to be happy without me (hypothetically). I have no problem with other people being happy, as long as I’m happy too. The annoying part is when people are happy, but I’m not happy. And of course I mean this all hypothetically. It’s just a joke.

WORDPLAY:

How badass would that be?

WISDOM:

There’s no such thing as karma. Not good karma, anyway. Life isn’t fair. I try to be a good person, sure, because it’s the only way I know how to be. But I’m fooling myself by thinking I’ll get anything out of it.

WISDOM:

Trust me on this one.

WISDOM:

This is a very funny causation/correlation joke. Unfortunately, this tweet also causes autism.

WORDPLAY:

This was just a nice dumb little pun until I discovered that Dura is an actual real genus of moths! So it’s not only funny, but it’s also science!

STUPID:

I like this one because I like insulting people.

STUPID:

I like the idea of peeing to alleviate boredom.

REACTION:

This is just straight-up true.

STUPID:

I like this one.

STUPID:

This is a thing about broken clocks, but it’s also meant to recognize that assholes are right sometimes and nice people can be wrong. The truth is a mysterious thing with poor judgement as far as people go.

STUPID:

This is funny because there is no 88:88 o’clock, not even in military time.

WISDOM:

It really is for the best.

STUPID:

That’s a spicy meatball!

That concludes this episode of This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest.