This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest, Episode 81

Occasionally I tweet on Twitter. Occasionally I blog about those tweets. This is one of those occasions. This is Twittering.

WISDOM:

I like this because “I’m not dead yet” is actually a legitimately inspirational message of determination. Then the idea of accidentally burying a person alive is just funny.

STUPID:

“You’ll have to fire me,” said my butt.

REACTION:

I hate it when pseudo-news organizations do a Twitter search and then report the results as if they represent anything significant. Twitter, like humanity, is a cesspool of multifarious wonders. You can find literally anything you want if you look hard enough. If that shocks you, you haven’t been paying attention.

REACTION:

This is why grand conspiracy theories are so unlikely. To believe them, you have to simultaneously believe the conspirators are so all-powerful and all-knowing that they can orchestrate such a perfect illusion as to fool the majority of people, yet also so inept that they commit many obvious, telltale errors that can be easily recognized by some yokel on the internet.

STUPID:

My attention to detail is impeccoble.

WISDOM:

Good luck.

WISDOM:

I hope you get it.

WISDOM:

Will they or won’t they? Are they really meant to be? How many seasons can they draw this out? Will my self-hatred demand more money? Will it leave to pursue a movie career? Will it return for a heart-wrenching series finale?

REACTION:

Coffee is the beer of the morning.

STUPID:

Toilet humor.

REACTION:

This is funny because my friends are horrible for lots of reasons.

WORDPLAY:

This is funny because it causes respiratory problems.

WORDPLAY:

This is a pun. I don’t mean you should slaughter your family, as tempting as that may be.

STUPID:

The ol’ switcheroo.

WISDOM:

Technically, this is known as the “freeze” response. When it comes to learned helplessness, I was at the top of my class.

That concludes this episode of This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest.