This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest, Episode 84

Sometimes I tell jokes on Twitter, then I add commentary here, and This Is Twittering.

WORDPLAY:

Let me guess… Does it rhyme with ‘a lot’?

REACTION:

I play out scenarios so often in my imagination that anything that happens in real life has already happened multiple times in my head. It’s easy to confuse the two.

REACTION:

Freak, nut, crank, kook, turtle, crackpot, human, bozo, wonderful dude.

WISDOM:

This could be about how I don’t want to meet people because I am a misanthrope, but actually it’s about you being disappointment by my real-life person.

REACTION:

This is a sick burn on both the Grammys and my Grammy (who we never actually called “Grammy”).

WISDOM:

Tribalism is more about the tribe than what the tribe is about.

REACTION:

Comments sections are made for hate.

STUPID:

This makes no sense.

WORDPLAY:

KA-BAM!

WISDOM:

Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate loving the unlovable. That’s what love is.

WISDOM:

I love jokes like this, that are true and also funny and also so very wise.

WISDOM:

I WILL KILL YOU!

WISDOM:

Again: funny, true, wise.

WISDOM:

I don’t get why inspirational people are such pessimists when it comes to hating yourself.

WORDPLAY:

“It” being the packages she delivers, see.

WISDOM:

I like Daylight Saving Time.

WISDOM:

Fool me three times, I WILL KILL YOU!

REACTION:

I only post this tweet here for the same reason.

WORDPLAY:

Luckily I was able to get down OK, no thanks to you.

STUPID:

Banking is complicated.

REACTION:

This is not a joke; it is a truth. At the end of the day, when I figuratively can’t take it anymore, I stop, and that is a relief.

WISDOM:

Honor thy father and mother, and you’ll never work a day in thy life.

WISDOM:

It’s better to regret the mistakes you make in my favor than to regret the things you haven’t done.

REACTION:

This is a sad commentary on the current state of affairs.

REACTION:

No offense to old folks and people who want to coexist, but it just looks tacky.

STUPID:

“I hope your Today is This Morning” would have been funny too, if I had actually known the name of the CBS morning show.

WISDOM:

Yeah, man. Who has the energy to, like, find a drug dealer or to party all the time or to do whatever you people do? As for me, I’ll just sit at home and continuously eat ice cream and pizza until my heart gives out.

STUPID:

Cultural mix-ups are funny.

WORDPLAY:

This is just a joke.

REACTION:

This is true. One: In a speech class, I started two speeches with similar jokes and got marked down because each speech should stand alone. But each speech did stand alone with the individual joke as it was. The fact that the second was a callback was just a bonus for people who were paying attention. Two: I gave a speech where I acted like I didn’t care what I was saying. It was one of my final assignments in college, and the speech was about how I regretted not working harder in school. It was very meta. My instructor later told me it seemed like I didn’t take the assignment seriously. No doy.

WISDOM:

If you’re into catching flies. I just swat them, personally.

WORDPLAY:

I can’t believe more people didn’t get this joke. Just kidding, I can believe it; I’m not that incredulous.

That concludes this episode of This Is Twittering: Meta-Commentary Digest.