Ask Conlan

10.25.08

Ask Conlan: LinkedOut Ask Conlan | (3)
Some girl, who apparently has a big head (her words), writes (edited for capitalization, punctuation, and linking purposes; no offense): I’ve had a LinkedIn account for like 7 months, and I don’t know how to use it or what it’s for... maybe you should write a blog about that like you did for Twitter, eh? Sincerely, The Other Half of the One In Yosemite Some Province, Canada Greetings, my great white friend to the north. I would be happy to guide you through the intricacies of the cultural phenomenon known as LinkedIn. The key to the future is—as it must be—the past. Started in 2002 by ...
10.17.08

Ask Conlan: Means to an End Ask Conlan | (5)
Some dude in Semmes, Alabama writes: Hey, Conlan. I've got a problem. I've been living beyond my means. Do you have any tips on how to control excessive spending? I'd really appreciate the help. Thanks, Some Yokel Some, it's a common problem, and I get this question a lot. Just look around, and you'll see millions, if not hundreds, of people going about their daily lives as if they had way more means than they really do. I mean, look at the stock market. These guys thought they had means, but now it means nothing. It obscures the view, like trees in the middle ...
09.23.08

Ask Conlan: Not about sex Ask Conlan | (1)
Here are some quickies from my inbox. Name With from Calgary, Up There writes: Do you do windows? No. Mac. Johnny Q. in Loveland, Colorado says: I'm not sure what to do about this pizza situation. Do you have any advice? Yes. Fold the slice like it's New York style, even though it's not. Rachel McDonald from Beaverton, Oregon writes anonymously: Conlan, what is your secret for understanding things? Like, I mean, sometimes I see a TV show and I don't know what's going on. I saw a show where a guy was shooting this other guy, but I didn't know why. Does that ever happen to you? ...
09.08.08

Viewer Mail #666: Ask Conlan #1: It’s about time Ask Conlan | (5)
A reader from Brooklyn, New York writes: Dear Conlan, Why do you call your "Ask Conlan" posts "Viewer Mail"? This is a blog. You don't really have viewers. You have readers. Look, you called me a reader just now. What's the deal? I feel like I don't even know you anymore. Sincerely, A Viewer My dear friend, thank you for your heartfelt message. I appreciate your candor, so I will tell you the truth. Many years ago, when I was but a lad, I would spend my summers at my late grandma's house. And I refer to her as "late" because she never shows up ...
09.04.08

Viewer Mail #31: Sicko Ask Conlan | (4)
Someone named Caït from Avignon, France writes: All of my friends are 20. You wanna buy them drinks, too, you sicko? Actually, Courtney is 21. Maybe she’ll buy you one. Hi, Caït. That is an excellent question. Before continuing, I would like to invite any of my readers who are law enforcement officials of any kind to visit this link instead of reading the remainder of this post. Back to your question, Caït: Yes, I do want to buy your friends drinks (assuming they are good-looking and crying). Also, I will let anyone, including your friend "Courtney", buy me a drink (assuming it ...

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