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Life

11.14.08

A post from the past, to hold you over till the future Life | (2)
Unfortunately, I will be out of town (i.e., the internet) for the better part of the weekend, and will be unable to update with new and amazing posts. (Furthermore, I will be fulfilling duties required of me, as I am a PROFESSIONAL WRITER.) Please stay tubed for updates on the Readership Drive, as well as the conclusion of The Controversial Survey and other crap you'll like. In the meantime please enjoy this old piece I wrote on an old blog about graduating from college, back when I graduated from college. On recieving a B.A. and one's subsequent profusion of wealth, sex ...
11.10.08

Halloween Party Life | (5)
Briefly: I will not go into detail here because I remain bitter over losing the "Best Costume" award to a STORE-BOUGHT atrocity, simply because it was transgenderified. The theme was Movies. Here I am: The green patches are trees. The white is the snowcapped peak.The orange thing is a crack. BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN Naturally. Update 11/11/08: I forgot to give mad props to my lovely Aunt Karen who spent hours helping me construct this masterpiece. And by "helping", I mean my contribution was basically buying the cloth and tubing, and cutting out and gluing on the trees; she did everything else.
08.27.08

This is Tom Life | (0)
I was tired of exchanges like this at Starbucks: "Large, unsweetened, black iced tea, please." "Can I get your name?" "Conlan." "Conley?" "Conlan." "Conland?" "Conlan." "How do you spell that?" So, a few months ago the question came again. As I began to form the hard 'C' in the back of my throat—dreading the inevitable follow-up—I stopped; then I said, "Tom." Tom. Simple. Easy. Unambiguous. It was the perfect crime. Those sucker baristas never knew what hit 'em. I was riding high on the euphoria of sticking it to the man. Since I've been back in Fresno, I've been going to Starbucks a lot, for lack of an alternative, ...
08.22.08

Goodbye, Good Job Life | (2)
If you truly loved me, you would already know that exactly one month and a few days ago, I quit my lucrative job as an employed person to embark (pun intended... because that's the name of the place I worked, see?) on a new life as a hobo clown (or similar). The following is the email I sent to my beloved colleagues shortly before walking out of their lives forever. To whom it may concern: When I arrived here in summer of aught six, it was a different era. Embark was known by another name, and I was but a boy taking ...
08.07.08

I have good news and bad news Life | (1)
I'm still alive. That is all.

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