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Today I received a new Facebook friend request from Jenna McCoy. She’s wearing a bikini in her picture and explains that she’s new in town and looking for friends and she mostly uses her other profile at www.sexxxxysluts.edu.

Users of MySpace are probably familiar with the fake spam porn friend request. Until now, however, this element was absent from Facebook, which had remained the dignified and restrained older brother of the online social networks to MySpace’s rebellious purple-spiky-haired pre-teen.

I think Facebook came before MySpace, and its controlled “network” environment—only letting students from certain schools join, not being able to see others’ profiles—probably hindered it, and allowed the anarchy that was MySpace to overtake it in popularity. Now Facebook is trying to gain back some ground by opening up. They still use networks, but now they can be based on a locale, like San Francisco, as well as schools or companies. The new Facebook “applications”, although more controlled, are an attempt to compete with MySpace’s HTML free-for-all, which allows endless profile customizations and often malicious code additions.

So, what’s the result of Facebook’s cautious attempts at innovation and expansion? Her name is Jenna, and her hobbies include going to clubs, sexy dancing, and erotic photography.

Success!

After much toil and heartache, I’ve finally gotten ThisIsConlan.com up and running and hosted on its own server (no more Blogger). Now the real fun begins.

I’m becoming an environmentalist.

The Sydney Morning Herald begins the article with this alarming lead:

Humans are just one of the millions of species on Earth, but we use up almost a quarter of the sun’s energy captured by plants – the most of any species.

The most of any species!? I had no idea! I mean, I figured we at least used less than raccoons. I mean—raccoons! —they’re so damn sneaky! But you can’t argue with science.

This showed humans used 24 per cent of the energy that was captured by plants. More than half of this was due to the harvesting of crops or other plants.

Another shocking revelation! Do you mean to tell me that most of humanity’s plant use is due to… using plants!!?! I feel sick. What are we going to do?

Screw global warming… we’re using up THE SUN!!! And for what? Nothing but our petty “greed.”

For shame, humanity. For shame.

I don’t think anyone would have batted an eye if this article appeared in The Onion. Complete with Melbourne agriculture professor “Snow Barlow.”

No comment.

I was going to say I don’t know why I waste time reading the comments on news articles, blogs, and YouTube videos. They’re unfailingly ignorant, uninformed, and insulting to the species at large. And I—unfailingly—am enraged by the puerile pontificating. So why, oh why, do I continue to scroll down the page?

But I do know why. It’s because I care. Yeah, I care what people think. And it’s not in any noble, free-exchange-of-ideas sense, either. I care what they think in relation to what I think. I want to be like other people. Of course I realize I can’t be like other people, as indicated by literally the first video of a political nature I found on the YouTube homepage (something about France’s newly-elected president, let me just put one giant [sic] here to cover it):

i was very happy when sarkozy was elected the president of france… this is a good new, coz i hate france and actually france is becoming a shit country and i see it will be worse next years and i am happy for that!! =) i hate france!

And the thoughtful rebuttal:

Why don’t you get a brain Citamgini? “I haaaate France because theyyyy’re naaasty there and theyyyy’re all drunk on TV”. Such an easy, trolling, idiotic and not value-adding comment. Go back to school kiddo, we don’t need any xenophobic twat here. Furthermore, why don’t you lick my balls for that very unuseful double post of your worthless comment?

Ah, yes. What would a YouTube comment thread be without the ceremonial Licking of the Balls?

Obviously I don’t wish I was like these intellectuals. So I suppose what I really want is for everyone to think the way I think. Not necessarily with the same opinions, but with the same general approach to the world: an approach where calling someone a “xenophobic twat” and telling him to lick your balls is not even considered as a viable argument.

What’s more frustrating: I realize that, while these comments represent the real and uncensored thoughts of these individuals, they don’t correspond to the real world. I’m quite sure Citamgini, in a physical world—using a real name, and face to face with a genuine, drunk and stinking Frenchman—would be less forthcoming with his opinion.

Developing…